L'amicizia, si sa, è un valore importante per tutti gli esseri sociali. Del resto siamo chi conosciamo, siamo le persone che siamo grazie al contributo di tante persone che ci sostengono e che ci apprezzano. Ma non è solo una questione di formazione del nostro carattere, le amicizie nascono per un bisogno profondo, istintivo: non vogliamo essere soli su questa terra, puro e semplice.
L'era di internet, e tutti gli strumenti che si porta dietro - social network, blog, pagine personali ecc. - Theoretically would have to satisfy our needs and provide more options. Now we can reconnect with friends from the past, deepen knowledge of surface and exponentially expand our network of friends across the oceans, political and social boundaries .. is not it great?
Apparently not much. It opened my eyes to a recent diplomatic incident on a popular social network. I state that I am not a rude. I know, everyone loves to think better of themselves, but really, do not say it's just me ... I tell many of my friends in the flesh who are affable, diplomatic and even too much sometimes. Because he has almost dropped off the couch a message asking me so dry and very unpleasant to decline a friend request. I quote: "since you have not accepted my friend request and I do not care more, do me a favor, Refuse otherwise continue to see your stuff, get your notifications and I do not, thank you." Apparently I had a friend request from an unknown person that I had to wait too long. But really? That 's what we become?
I've been thinking a lot about, having plenty of time in years I could appreciate the evolution of my friends are also due to my illness. As a derailment of a train, the effects of which are initially devastating (pieces that are lost, property damage and bystanders), the CFS, once sgomberati i resti e spazzata via la polvere, si può apprezzare la reale forza del treno meravigliandosi di quei pezzi che sono sopravvissuti alla tragedia e sono rimasti attaccati.
Quando diventi malata la tua vita sociale non muore subito, anzi: all'inizio c'è un gran brusio di persone che ti chiamano e vogliono sapere come stai, cos'hai, quando torni al lavoro, quando si esce fuori a pranzo o fare shopping. Il problema, quando hai la CFS, è quando si fornisce loro la risposta. Se sei fortunata, ci sono molte domande che seguono, tutte orlate dal dubbio che s'insinua nelle voci dei tuoi interlocutori, per poi risolversi in un silenzio di comprensione e/o d'indifferenza. Se sei sfortunata, la gente inizia to come off like the leaves from the tree, slowly, quietly.
But there are some weapons that I learned to use and that have a weld on the few remaining pieces and you have to learn to use them as soon as possible if you do not want to end up a hermit. The first thing is information. Obviously, I think, but it is a way to provide this information that makes the difference. We must rise from the head to a sales representative, leaving that particular form of communication to physicians, and speak not of the generality of the disease, but how does it feel, how this disease is turning life there. It is not easy to say "I'm afraid," the causes of my illness are not well known, " "I'm too tired to get me a shower," but we must find a way to tell you who has remained close, never take for granted that they know already.
The second weapon is not so much a weapon as the advantage of a situation where we are. In fact, it's as if someone was checking the DVD of our lives and had pushed the button "pause" or slowed down beyond belief. So we are still, to watch the world goes on, our friends who make careers, our friends who expand the family, and we fight with our own frustrations at home. But not necessarily so. No.
I realized that when I was part of that world I rarely went on to dedicate time to my friends. I had no time to fully understand their problems, to give them my full attention, because often our conversations consisted of 5 minutes on the phone stolen from my desk while I worked during the lunch break again for a closing imminent, or appetizers spat in which all their problems without really listening to each other. Now most of my friends are in the same boat, but the thing that comforts me is that I know that there are always at home and have a problem, in fact, are the first person they call.
I have not always had the strength to stand hours on the phone, but if you went home and agreed to be the caffè da sole, avevo sempre le orecchie aperte per una crisi sentimentale e/o problemi con il capo e di solito grazie all'ascolto riuscivo anche a tirare fuori delle proposte sensate per risolvere oppure per calmarle. In un certo senso ascoltare i problemi degli altri mi distraeva dai miei, che tanto non si potevano risolvere, e mi permetteva di prendermi cura degli altri e sentirmi amata....Un po’ egoistico come ragionamento, ma ha funzionato. Adesso che sono migliorata un po’ e magari sono fuori casa, noto una certa delusione nella loro voce quando mi chiedono: ma dov'eri?
Sono molto grata per le mie amiche, sono state impagabili e fondamentali nel mio cammino verso un piano più alto di benessere inner helped me understand the real value of the word friend. You know who you are, and I love you.
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